It's Lymphoma

Yesterday we found out mom has lymphoma. Apparently this is the best worst case scenario. Mom and brother 2 are celebrating the news. I'm still processing. Celebrating cancer? I get that it's treatable, which is awesome. But chemo and radiation and cancer all suck. It's going to be a shit journey, but at least we know the fight will be worth it because we'll win! But I'm scared. I'm scared to admit that I'm scared. I want to stay strong and positive, but cancer is mean and it terrifies me. I'm afraid of the pain and suffering mom will endure. I'm worried about how the stress will affect my brothers. I'm nervous about letting myself process these feelings. Focusing on the positive and staying strong is the only way forward, I know that. But deep down I'm kinda freaking out. Am I still in shock? Probably. In the past my perspective was much clearer in shit situations. I realized how my body image, money, guilt and other issues were so trivial compared to illness and death. But so far I'm still stuck in the mundane, which may be avoidance or self preservation. Bedtime.