Foggy

I slept a bit better but my mind is still racing, not letting me rest properly.

My son feels off, which I guess is understandable. My sensitivity must be heightened because I’m so tired and fragile right now, maybe I’m over thinking or reading into things. We’re not always going to be connected and happy and in sync. He’s got things going on in his world that may (probably) not have anything to do with me. How ego-centric of me to think that everyone’s reactions to things are somehow related to me!

Boyfriend seems excited to see me tonight. I’m not sure why that surprises me. I know why my reaction is more reserved: it’s my way of protecting myself and putting up boundaries because the distance has me feeling disconnected.

I think that the disconnect in our relationship is adding to my sleep problems. My mind racing, looking for drama to distract from the fear. I’m not in a great place right now. I’m kinda falling apart yet I know I can’t.

I’m taking care of so many and no one is taking care of me, so I need to step up the self care!

I hate feeling like I’m complaining but I feel like I’m failing in a few areas of my life right now. I need sleep!!!

So good to have supportive people around. Very blessed with kind people in my life. I confided in a friend during my son’s swimming last night, and being able to share openly about how I feel felt cathartic.

Working and being busy is so helpful in keeping myself sane. Back to work!