Saturday

I'm trying to stay close and keep my distance at the same time. Support and self protect in tandem. Remembering to put the oxygen mask on me first before helping others. I can only be of use to those around me, especially my son, if I've taken care of myself. Being ok means breathing and feeling. Sleeping, exercising, eating foods that support my mind and agree with my body, resting when I need to, fresh air, being present, meditating when I can. Baths and books.

The impulse to rescue everyone, save them and make it all better, is so strong. Realizing I can't fix things yet figuring out how I CAN help has been a process for me. I'm here for those I love, they know that. I'd do anything for them, but they're also on their own journeys and need to figure things out for themselves. I'm here as needed but I can't take over, it's not healthy for anyone.

Medical oncology apt is booked for Monday afternoon. PET scan is on Wed. Things are moving forward! Hopefully they book the bone marrow biopsy this week too. Progress!!!

Mom is taking my son to the museum and a movie today so that I can get my house organized. I haven't been home on a weekend in months and I need to get this place together. Boxes sorted, things put away. I'll feel better in general once the clutter is sorted. I like it when our belongings "have a home", it makes it easier for us to stay organized. Eventually I'll move onto my closet but I'm not ready to tackle that mission yet. Today is the main floor and basement, and hopefully a run outside after.

Movie night with my son later with soup and sandwiches - comfort & cozy.

It should be a good day.

Fuck that, I'M GOING TO MAKE IT A GOOD DAY!